Encouragement from a friend

Who knew her visit would efffect me inside so intently?  I sure didn't.  

I was so excited to see her.  It had been 9 years and so much had happened.  We were two new people. It was amazing and fun to see her familiar face and get to know her based on who she was today.

We had something in common. Common besides rekindling a friendship whose embers had never gone out.  We love art.  In loving art we both had become artists.

The difference between her and me... she was producing. I was stalling.

I had told my husband weeks before that the difference between me and an artist was that artists actually do art.  I felt stuck.

And she was here a week.  And day after day I'm in the studio painting.  And I love the fact that I can't get the oil off my hands....or knees (your guess is as good as mine).  And I love the smell. And the coffee. And mixing colors. Ok, I know you get it.

I'm so glad she came.  I missed her.

Thanks Anna for your encouragement, your friendship, and the swift kick....

www.annasellers.com

Bruce's Heart Attack

April 17, 2010 - My husband had a heart attack on this day. It's now July 26th as I write this. Both of our lives have changed in ways I never would have imagined. Bruce had a horrific heart attack - a LAD, which the doctor told us they described as a "widowmaker" due to fact that the whole back of his heart supplied by that artery dies and most times, so does the individual.

So we were blessed....not lucky, but most assuredly blessed.

Bruce has been through 5 different procedures including having a defibrillator installed to shock his heart back should it be needed. It also has a pacemaker which his heart is not in need of at this time. He has had fluid drawn off his heart twice, once with a needle and the other with a surgical pericardial window. 600cc of fluid drawn off his heart each time. He also has had 2 separate angiograms, and once they left the leads in his heart for 5 days to monitor the amount of fluid he was building up.

Bruce was in the hospital for 6 weeks total, off and on. Three of those weeks in ICU.

I'm sure you get the picture, he was a very sick man and we didn't know if he would survive.

So we are blessed, he is alive and doing well. I am most grateful.

One of the things that I realized most about this experience is that when God brings you through a traumatic incident like this - he doesn't intend for you to go back to living life the way you did before.  I am trying to use this experience, learn from it, incorporate the things we've learned into our lives - and to live a changed life.

So here we are. Living a changed life. 

Letting go. That's what we are doing. Letting go of the plans we had for our lives - and turning to God and asking Him to lead us. Where next? What next?  

This is so much harder than anything I have ever gone through before. And the biggest lesson I have learned is one that I already knew - just on a completely new level. ....

We are not running the show. We are not in control.  

Our job is to trust God even when we don't know what's in store for tomorrow. 

Not an easy task. 

 

Will I ever paint again?

My husband and I were married a year ago.

I moved me and all my "stuff" into his home and we've been rearranging and throwing out, giving away, etc. for most of the year.

At my old home I used my second bedroom and my kitchen table as my art room. It was just me and worked out well unless someone was coming to visit. Then I would have to put it all away, make up the guest room and clean up my kitchen table temporarily until I could again restore my mess.

In my home with my husband, there is nowhere for me to erect an art room. And I'm itching. I am hoping we can purchase one of those Home Depot storage buildings - the 2 story one that is 16 x 20 would work perfectly since not only have I been put out of my art room but my husband has had to pack away all his antique fishing collectables.

So we're both sacrificing and I am wanting something to work for both of us. We have been looking and dreaming since before we got married. And we are still looking and dreaming.

I've painted two pieces of art this whole year sitting at our kitchen table. A portrait of a cat for my step-sister's Christmas present and a picture of a fat robin in the snow for my husband's brother's girlfriend.

We're working hard to pay off all debt, that's our priority. But my hands are itching, my ideas are foaming out of my brain, my self, my spirit - want's to paint.

And I feel this urge badly. And I don't want to choose to put this need before the goal of paying off debt....but my desire to have somewhere I can paint without having to put it all away before dinner is increasing exponentially as each day grows.

So here is what I am doing....I am going to pray that God will allow this desire of my heart to be fulfilled without putting us into more debt. So, if you're reading this and feel inclined, please agree with me in prayer that God provide me with a place to paint.

Thanks for listening.